In 2015 New York magazine published a story about Friends and its impact on pop culture. While working on the piece, writer Adam Sternbergh picked my brain about why I love the show so much, and why I keep coming back to it after all these years. The short answer is, not surprisingly, the nostalgia factor: I re-watch Friends over and over because it takes me back to the ’90s. The longer answer involves growing up, feeling comforted, and experiencing a deep sense of belonging.
I fell in love with Friends in 1998. I was 10 years old and in the fifth grade. If you were watching the show live, it was the beginning of season 5; Ross had just said “Rachel” instead of “Emily,” and Monica and Chandler were well on their way to becoming more than friends. I was oblivious to all of this, however, because I watched in syndication on my local WB affiliate. I saw episodes out of order and pieced together the histories and relationships and dynamics over time. It’s not unlike the way we watch TV now: We start after a few seasons have already aired, based on a recommendation from a friend. Even though I was late to the Friends game, I found in the show a new set of, well, friends.
I have a deep connection with Friends — one that can only be achieved from serious repetition. I watched the show in syndication and eventually live, starting somewhere that fall with the fifth season. The moment owning seasons of TV shows on DVD became a thing, I owned all 10, and I watched them over and over. Having Friends on in the background became second nature. It was my go-to source of entertainment and laughter in high school, college, and beyond. It cheered me up after bad days and helped me through bad breakups. Without fail, every episode took me back to the first time I watched it, and filled me with a sense of calm. It still does.
If you’re a Friends fan, there’s a natural tendency to quote the show in everyday conversation, regardless of your age or when you started watching it. I quote it to such a degree that it almost borders on banal; it’s like having inside jokes with myself. A few weeks ago, I met a friend of a friend named Laura, and my first instinct was to point at her and simply shout Laura! in a commanding voice (Joey, season 10, episode 7: “The One with the Home Study”). I would have looked like a crazy person. There’s a certain satisfaction that comes with selecting and reciting the perfect Friends quote for any given situation; it’s the original reaction GIF. Fans adopted phrases like “Oh. My. God!” and “It’s Pors-cha!” long before Tumblr was around, and we quoted them of our own volition. The writing on Friends speaks for itself, and never relied on the internet to surface its best moments; that simply wasn’t an option.
But that’s not everyone’s experience with Friends. In Sternbergh’s article, he talks about younger generations who stumble upon the show on Netflix, or find it because of something they read on the internet. And like generations before them, they too fall in love with the sitcom. But why? What makes the twentysomethings of today care about the twentysomethings of 20 years ago (who are now fortysomethings)? I think it’s the perception that life was easier back then.