The year on the calendar may have changed, but our weekly appreciation for TV’s best dialogue certainly hasn’t.
Every Sunday, we recognize television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days via our Quotes of the Week compilation — and you can find more than a dozen bon mots from broadcast, cable and streaming series in our first 2023 edition below.
This time around, we’ve got a Fantasy Island anecdote that sounds outlandish but is actually quite true, a stern word of warning for a Chicago P.D. cop, a new medical phenomenon coined by Abbott Elementary‘s Ava, and a Real Housewives of Miami incident involving — what else? — a goat in a diaper.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: double doses of Yellowstone‘s winter finale and Ginny & Georgia‘s sophomore season, plus quotable moments from Gossip Girl, The Challenge, Kaleidoscope and more shows.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
FANTASY ISLAND
“I had a dog, sort of. His name was Mr. Jones.”
“Did he pass?”
“No, no. He reconnected with his wife and moved back to the mainland.”
For anyone who didn’t watch Season 1, know that Elena (Roselyn Sánchez) is sincerely answering Andi (Jasika Nicole) here. It’s what happened!
YELLOWSTONE
“I… love… you.”
Saying goodbye to Colby, Teeter (Jen Landon) utters what may be her first three wholly intelligible words
YELLOWSTONE (Bonus Quote!)
“Bet you’re one expensive hooker. Enjoying your marionette?”
“Every inch of him.”
Beth (Kelly Reilly) finds Sarah (Dawn Olivieri) wrapped in Jamie’s sheets
GHOSTS
“We talk! After Housewives!”
An angry Thor (Devan Long) has thoughts about Pete giving his son advice — but first, he needs to watch his show
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI
“Everyone’s fighting, but right now all I see is a goat with a diaper — a soiled diaper — wrapped around its ankles, shimmying around the house. Where do you go from there? You can’t even think about anything else.”
Marysol gets distracted by Julia’s goat during a confrontation at a housewarming party
CHICAGO FIRE
“I am not going to hold hands with Carver and sing songs and talk about our feelings.”
“Good. ‘Cause if he touches your hand, he’s a dead man.”
Severide (Taylor Kinney) urges Stella (Miranda Rae Mayo) to talk with Carver about what they went through — but only to a certain extent
GOSSIP GIRL
“What is with the Sydney Sweeney/White Lotus impersonation?”
A direct reference to another HBO/HBO Max property? 10,000 synergy points for Audrey (Emily Alyn Lind)!
THE CHALLENGE: RIDE OR DIES
“I’m happy to take on a speed challenge. What people don’t know about me is that I’m actually really fast, but I only last for a short amount of time. That don’t sound right, never mind!”
Chauncey Palmer hilariously puts his foot in his mouth while trying to explain his lack of endurance
GINNY & GEORGIA (Episode 4)
“Sneaking a boy through a window… Am I trapped in a ’90s show? What is this? Clarissa Explains It All? Dawson’s Creek?”
Georgia (Brianne Howey), after she catches Marcus climbing into Ginny’s bedroom
GINNY & GEORGIA (Episode 4 Bonus Quote!)
“It’s very, ‘I’m the new vampire who just drove into Sunnydale.’”
Georgia (Brianne Howey) comments on Ginny’s “edgy” outfit
BIG SKY
“I saw a documentary on fox hunting once. I’d like to breed foxes. Open a fox farm, select the mean ones, breed them with the other mean ones, and then the mean ones with the smart ones.”
“What for?”
“Super foxes.”
Donno (Ryan O’Nan) has an answer more than ready when asked how he’d spend a sudden windfall
TOM CLANCY’S JACK RYAN (Episode 6)
“You actually ordered?!”
Running (from bad guys!) ahead of schedule, Jack (John Krasinski) rudely interrupts November’s meal
TOUGH AS NAILS
“[Am] I supposed to look sad…?”
Synethia asks host Phil Keoghan for guidance as she punches out
CHICAGO P.D.
“I’d step back if I were you.”
Torres (Benjamin Levy Aguilar), with Voight watching from a distance, hits back at the dirty cop who threatened to end his career
KALEIDOSCOPE (Episode “Red”)
“Stan, did you… did you Uber to the meet?”
“I mean, it was a Lyft, because surge pricing is ridiculous right now. Look, man, I don’t know how to hot-wire a car!”
Leo (Giancarlo Esposito) worries about Stan (Peter Mark Kendall) leaving a digital trail
1923
“I don’t hear a question.”
“Marry me.”
“That’s a statement.”
“It’s a demand.”
“You Americans are brutes.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Alexandra (Julia Schlaepfer) and Spencer (Brandon Sklenar) never stop bantering, even when they’re getting engaged
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY
“Oh, my God, I’ve had this exact nightmare before.”
“Yeah, people tell me that a lot. I call it Ava vu.”
Forget déjà vu — Ava (Janelle James) has her own head trip sensation
BLUE BLOODS
“Look, I was just trying to lower the temperature, for both of us.”
“I don’t see yours raised.”
“Look harder.”
Frank (Tom Selleck) and Joe (Will Hochman) clash over how to investigate a case that hits close to home
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.