I’ll Say It: Derek Shepherd Isn’t as McDreamy as Everyone Thinks!

Shonda Rhimes staple Grey’s Anatomy has been the go-to medical drama for twenty years, made famous for its epic cliffhangers, traumatic character deaths, and revolving door of impossibly hot doctors. Among the esteemed surgeons to grace the halls of Grey-Sloan Memorial was neurosurgeon Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey), the object of Meredith’s (Ellen Pompeo) great love story and an iconic member of the show’s evolving ensemble. Dubbed “McDreamy” for his dashing good looks and surgical skills, Derek was a beloved part of Grey’s until his tragic death-by-semitruck in Season 11. Unfortunately, as attractive as Dr. Shepherd may have been, due to his rampant narcissism, self-serving behavior, and poor treatment of the women in his life, we must accept that the dearly departed Dr. McDreamy was often anything but.

‘Grey’s Anatomy’s Derek Shepherd Has a Huge Ego

Perhaps the most un-dreamy thing about Derek Shepherd is his massive ego. If your brain is being operated on, you definitely want the person in charge to be skilled and self-assured, but do you want them to be totally narcissistic? Derek’s confidence, while well-earned by his surgical prowess, often crosses the line into complete arrogance, leading to personal and professional arguments abound. He has a hard time admitting defeat and is terrified of failure, and on numerous occasions, Derek’s self-importance hurts those around him.

Some notable examples are when he tries to co-opt his and Callie’s (Sara Ramírez) sensors for the brain-mapping initiative so that he can use them to work for the president or when he tries to drag Meredith to D.C. and make her abandon her career in Seattle. Even when his sister Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) joins the hospital staff, Derek treats her like a liability rather than an equally qualified neurosurgeon.

Derek Holds the Women in His Life to Impossibly High Standards

However, Derek’s extreme arrogance wasn’t just limited to his career. During his time on Grey’s Anatomy, Derek is seemingly on a constant hunt for women he can talk down to, both in his romantic and professional relationships. Be it Meredith, ex-wife Addison (Kate Walsh), Amelia, or Nurse Rose (Lauren Stamile), Derek has no problem judging, demeaning, or straight-up slut-shaming his female counterparts for behaving in a way that is alarmingly similar to his own.

Derek gets back together with Addison despite being in love with Meredith, stringing both women along when it would have been right to just let Addison move on and give Meredith the love she deserved. He also shames Meredith for sleeping with multiple men and then is still mad when she tries to be exclusive with Finn the vet (Chris O’Donnell), leading to a moment of steamy, but nevertheless, inappropriate infidelity at the hospital prom. While he’s surrounded by badass women who typically call him out (see Meredith’s famous “You don’t get to call me a whore” speech), this doesn’t stop Derek from holding these women to impossibly high standards and then berating them when they fail to comply.

Derek also has a habit of hooking up with doctors of a lower professional ranking to feed his sense of superiority. In what is perhaps his greatest moment of McDouchiness, shortly before his death in Season 11, Derek has an emotional (and mildly physical) affair with his research fellow, Renee (Scottie Thompson), in D.C. After leading Renee on with longing glances and the most sexually charged “I look forward to working with you” ever uttered on the small screen, Derek shares a kiss with her before realizing that he loves Meredith and needs to return home.

McDreamy Wasn’t All Bad on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’

Now, despite his faults, McDreamy certainly wasn’t all bad. Having tragically lost his father at a young age, Derek always felt a responsibility to care for his mother and younger sisters. Like many characters on Grey’s Anatomy, Derek was also subjected to numerous physical and emotional traumas, including, but not limited to, getting shot, being involved in a deadly plane crash, and fishing his unconscious girlfriend out of Puget Sound. All of this trauma likely contributed to Derek’s need for control and his inflexibility in other aspects of his life. Derek was also a devoted father and (sometimes) husband, and while he was far from the perfect partner, his love for Meredith was obvious throughout the show.

At the end of the day, while Derek Shepherd was a talented surgeon with unrelenting passion and great hair, he was also a self-righteous and condescending jerk with a God complex, and his actions outside the OR make him unworthy of the McDreamy moniker. Whether he was talking down to his lovers and colleagues or hitting engagement rings into the forest with a baseball bat, Derek always let his pride get the best of him, and put his own needs first. Nevertheless, at least TV’s cockiest neurosurgeon can rest easy knowing that his children are thriving, his wife is on the precipice of curing Alzheimer’s, and he will always have more fans than Owen Hunt.