Last night, I had the pleasure of seeing the ever so highly anticipated film, Fifty Shades Darker. And yes, it was even better/worse than I imagined. Much like Fifty Shades of Grey, the follow up had some excellent dramatic lines (thought there was no climactic “because I’m fifty shades of fucked up” zinger), not nearly enough Jamie Dornan Butt, and a lot of moments that ranged from cringey to LOL. Here, the best, worst, strangest, and most everyone-in-the-theater-actually-laughed things in Fifty Shades Darker (Warning: Spoilers Ahead!):
The Pommel Horse
Okay, I’m starting with my #1 LOL/GRIPE of the movie because 17 hours later I still cannot get over the ridiculousness of it. Anastasia wakes up in bed alone and naturally, puts on one of Christian’s button-downs (more on that later) to go find him. She discovers him working out in his tricked-out workout room―it’s like the Red Room of workout rooms, it’s got everything! Even… A GD POMMEL HORSE. Yes:
In the movie, Christian goes from doing shirtless pull-ups to casually sauntering over to his POMMEL HORSE to do some jedi-master level―I don’t even know what you’d call it? Leg lifts? A horizontal handstand? I literally don’t even know, because it’s not the kind of shit they do in the Olympics where you usually see a POMMEL HORSE, but it obviously takes a lot of concentration and strength because Jamie Dornan’s face gets very red and one of his veins is all popping out-y. Anyway, Anastasia doesn’t even comment on the fact that he has a GD POMMEL HORSE in his house, she just goes along with it like it’s NBD. Meanwhile, the entire theater positively roared with laughter. Jamie Dornan’s abs did look nice though.
Anastasia’s Lipstick:
So I’m not sure if this is a secret ad for Kylie Jenner lipkit or what, but GF loves her lipliner. We know by now that Anastasia Steele does not like rules, so it shouldn’t be surprising that she decides to bypass the whole “color within the lines” thing and go straight across her cupid’s bow with that lipstick. You might not really be able to see the extent of it in this pic, but TRUST ME. There are a whole lot of close-ups in this film.
Laters, Baby:
God, I love a consistency and Darker brings it. Remember those cringey text exchanges from the orig Fifty Shades? Well, they’re back, and Anastasia sends out a familiar ole “Laters, baby,” which is kinda wonderful―plus, she actually does it on an iPhone this time.
The Boat:
So, after Christian and Anastasia flee Escala because Ana’s unhinged stalker Leila might be hiding there, they go to…where else!? Christian’s freaking yacht! And while she does the whole LOL you have a boat thing, Miss Steele doesn’t even blink an eye when she wakes up in the morning to a fisherman’s sweater and pair of skinny jeans in her size waiting for her. But this is besides the point, the actual point is that Christian lets her steer the boat and she basically has the thing going sideways at a zillion knots (that’s nautical speak, FYI). On the upside, that very dramatic Taylor Swift-Zayn with-no-last-name song
is playing in the background which kind of makes it.
Anastasia’s Comfy clothes:
In all of the just-got-out-of-bed scenes, Anastasia is wearing one of Christian’s button-downs―and not like, that thread-bare, soft as the inside of a sleeping bag flannel he’s had since college―a newly starched Brooks Brothers situation. Why. Whyyy. Sure, it’s cliché-sexy while still being actually sexy, but it’s totally impractical, not at all comfy, and since she wears it unbuttoned, even on the balcony, her boobs are just out there―what if Mrs. Jones walks by?! Just borrow one of those gray hoodies he wears while going for his angsty runs for goodness’ sake.
